Still
by glassneko
Summary: Charlie has left, but when he comes back will Bill still love him? BixCh [slash]


"Why are you here?! Do you know what I've been through? Going to Africa was not allowed! You were not allowed to just get up and leave without even a word! Leaving me to find out from a very confused Magonagall. And you sure as hell are not allowed to come back after seven years, _seven years_, Charlie. Seven years where I spent every day waking up to wonder why I was waking up alone. Seven years wondering if I would ever even see you again?!" Bill punched Charlie quickly in the face. Charlie didn't say anything. They stood in the doorway of Bill's apartment, where Charlie had shown up moments before. Bill took a few shuddering breaths.

"Why are you back? Why are you in my apartment? I suppose you have a wife now? That's what you've come back to tell us? Have you been home yet? Are you going home?" Charlie took a slow step forward and Bill wondered if he was going to hit him. His fears were proved ridiculous when Charlie hugged him tightly. Bill stood still for a few moments, not sure what to do. Charlie's forehead was resting on his shoulder and he could feel him wrack with silent sobs. Bill hugged him back and led him to the couch.

"It's alright, I didn't mean it! Charlie, it's alright." Charlie didn't look up for a long time and Bill didn't know what to say. So faint, that at first Bill wasn't sure if he truly heard it, came a small,

"I'm sorry." Charlie took a gasping breath against Bill's sweater. "I'm sorry, I just, I didn't know what to do, and I was scared, and I thought you hated me, and I swear I didn't sleep with Charlotte, I didn't touch her! And I didn't think you'd believe me, and I didn't want to say anything to anyone else, if you didn't want to, and I couldn't stay so close to everyone with so many problems, and I didn't know what else to do!… I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Bill absent-mindedly dragged his fingers up and down his brother's back.

"Jesus Charlie, I mean, come on, you're not supposed to be the one who's sad here. Where does this leave me to be depressed?"

"I'm so sorry, I'll leave if you want me to."

"No, where are you staying? Is there anyone I should call so they don't worry?"

"No, I was staying at a motel." Bill gently led Charlie to his bedroom and placed him down on the bed. Bill could smell the alcohol on Charlie and knew he was probably drunk off his ass to act this way. He sighed as he pulled Charlie's shoes off and pulled the blankets over him. It was funny how he still knew exactly what to do even with years of forced forgetting. Bill made his way to his couch, there was a blanket in the closet and he was good with sleeping anywhere. There was a slight problem with the situation however; he was used to sleeping on couches and floors from parties, not from returning brothers. He wondered about what could have possibly brought Charlie back after so long and tried to think of things to say in the morning.

He wouldn't have believed it, but he did have to concede that at some point he had fallen asleep. Daylight was now flooding his small apartment, and Charlie was nowhere to be found, leaving Bill to wonder if it had been a dream. He did know that he had had no drinks the previous night, and that was the only thing that would cause such dreams. Charlie always did have a knack for getting up early even with a hangover. Bill wondered if Charlie would come back. If it had been a drunken encounter and no more. He dearly hoped not. Living without Charlie was hard enough, living without him and knowing that the chance to talk to him had come and gone would be too much. He sat at his kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee and wondered if his parents had heard from Charlie. He sometimes thought that maybe they talked to Charlie and just never told him. They always seemed to know something new about him whenever he came up in conversation. As he finished his coffee and debated whether or not another one would be good there was a loud knock on the door. A knock that was reminiscent of last night.

Bill made his way to the door and looked out the peephole to see Charlie waiting. He silently leaned back against the door collecting his thoughts. Not until the knock came again did he take a second and open the door. He had really only just glanced enough to note that it was Charlie outside the door and was now surprised when a large bouquet of roses came face to face with him. He backed up and let Charlie in, not saying anything. Charlie shut the door with his hip and looked a bit sheepish.

"Um, I got these for you, I didn't know if they'd mean anything to you, but they're very pretty, at least?" Bill sat down on the couch and looked and the dark bruise on Charlie's cheek as he hesitantly followed.

"I, um, I'm very sorry about last night. I, in no way, meant to impose on you," said Charlie. Bill looked at him in disbelief.

"Charlie, these roses better be for something quite different than 'imposing' on me for one night, or I do think you'll have to leave." Bill had briefly darted his eyes to Charlie's and now rested his forehead on his hand looking at the armrest. The roses sat between them.

"Bill! I wasn't sober last night, but what I said was true. You have to believe me."

"I don't have to do shit!" Bill could feel that he was on the verge of tears and bit his lip. "Why do you think I will believe you now, if you didn't think I would believe you about Charlotte?"

"Oh God, Bill, because I need you to, because if you don't I don't know what I'll do."

"Don't you get it? I always believed you! As if I would ever take that whore's word over yours! But then you left and I didn't know what to believe. I've been at the conclusion you slept with her for years now, why should I think otherwise now?"

"Because it's the truth, Bill," and Bill believed him. "You wouldn't talk to me and I didn't know what else to do."

"Well leaving the country was not my favourite choice, I'll tell you that!"

"Well I thought Shelly liked you and that you would be happy together and that this would be better for everyone," Charlie tried desperately to meet eyes with Bill as Bill stared intensely at a corner of the room.

"Was it better for you?" asked Bill quietly.

"No. I thought I would get over you, but I couldn't, and I still can't!"

"Maybe you shouldn't make other people's decisions then! What if I had gotten over you?! What if I had had a family here? What if I have a happy life here without you? Then what will you do?"

"I will leave and see you at Christmastime with your new family."

"Stop! You're not allowed to be the good one here! You're not allowed to be the one who is kicked out and downtrodden! You left me! You left me confused and alone, for seven years, without even a phone call or leaving a number! So just stop!"

"Alright, I'll leave." Charlie got up to leave and Bill jumped up to pull him down to him.

"Stop. You're so stupid." They sat together, the roses fallen on the floor. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." Charlie didn't say anything. "I love you." Charlie turned Bill's now tear-streaked face to look at him. "I still love you! Do you get it now? I still love you. I wish to God I didn't, but I do! And I don't know how to stop and I think it's permanent now, and that would be fine if you would live on the same continent even! And I don't know what you feel now anymore than I did seven years ago."

"Bill, I love you."

"Well, why the hell did you leave." It wasn't a question, not really and the two of them let the words drift away into silence as they sat holding each other.


End file.
